Hidden College Cost: Roommate Conflict
College roommate conflicts can be costly. Students who are unable to resolve differences spend more money on single rooms, off-campus housing, and moving expenses. Parents beware: Some students even move back home.
(PRWEB) May 1, 2005 -- Parents, if you’re already reeling from the costs of
today’s college education, take a deep breath. According to one expert, if your
kids lack conflict resolution skills, it could end up costing you even more.
“Students who can’t handle conflict run into trouble with roommates
almost immediately,” said Susan Fee who is the author of My Roommate is Driving
Me Crazy! Solve Conflicts, Set Boundaries, and Survive the College Roommate From
Hell (Adams Media).
“They try to avoid rather than deal with the issue
which can lead to increased stress, lower grades, and additional moving and
housing expenses,” said Fee, who is a licensed professional counselor. She said
students who focus only on academic success do so at the expense of other life
skills.
“Some students
have spent so much time studying and fitting in extracurricular activities that
they never develop necessary social skills. Well-intentioned parents have become
overly-involved in their kids’ lives, planning their time, and solving their
dilemmas. By the time these kids enter college, they have no confidence in
speaking up for themselves,” said Fee.
Another factor leading to trouble
adjusting is a sense of entitlement. “It’s not uncommon for students to come
from homes where they had their own bedroom, bathroom, and TV,” said Fee. “They
have unreasonable expectations about having things their
way.”
The bottom line
for parents: Children’s poor communication skills can hurt your wallet. Kids who
can’t get along with their roommates request single dorm rooms, which are not
only more costly, but usually unavailable. Others move off-campus, transfer to
another school, or return home. Grades can be affected by the stress causing
some students to repeat entire semesters. “The ultimate solution is for students
to learn how to resolve their roommate differences rather than find ways to
avoid them,” said Fee.
She offers these five
tips to parents:
1. Offer suggestions, not
solutions. Telling your child what to do, or worse, handling the problem
yourself, does more harm than good. Conflict resolution is a skill that needs to
be practiced and the more you do for your kids, the longer it will take them to
become confident. Instead, help them to become critical thinkers by imagining
scenarios, brainstorming solutions, and considering possible outcomes and
consequences.
2.
Prepare for conflict. Students who assume things will be “perfect” get thrown
for a loop when they’re not. Conflict is inevitable because people are
different. Even best friends should expect to have differences in needs, living
habits, stress levels, and communication skills. Teach your child that conflict
does not have to be negative; it’s an opportunity to be creative and learn how
to problem solve.
3. Share expectations.
Roommate contracts are popular today and many universities require them as a way
to get kids talking about their expectations. Even if your child’s school does
not have formal contracts, encourage him or her to discuss things like sleep and
study habits, bills, sharing items, cleaning, and the best times to have
visitors. Just like pre-marital counseling, the more that’s discussed upfront,
the better the relationship.
4. Encourage
face-to-face conversations. More and more, kids today would rather communicate
through e-mail, IM, and text messaging rather than talking face-to-face. Without
the benefit of facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language, messages
can be misunderstood. Also, warn kids that gossiping to others instead of
talking to their roommate directly only escalates the
problem.
5. Ask for help.
Residence life staff will help to mediate, as long as the student has already
tried problem solving face-to-face. (In reality, most students wait to mention
there’s a problem until they want to move out, or at the first sign of trouble,
they report it to their RA expecting that person to solve it.) Campus counseling
centers are also available for help if a roommate is exhibiting signs of mental
illness such as depression, substance abuse, or self injury. If nothing else, a
counseling session can help your child learn to better deal with stress and find
other ways to manage the situation.
Fee’s book inspiration came while working as a
counselor at Baldwin-Wallace College in Berea, OH. “I had so many students
coming in to see me about problems with their roommates, yet most of them never
bothered to tell their roommates,” she said. After interviewing college students
and staff nationwide, it was clear to her that this was a pervasive issue. Fee’s
book covers every possible roommate scenario and provides more than 250
conversation starters for difficult situations. She also developed a Web site
full of college survival tips, www.myroommateisdrivingmecrazy.com.
Contact:
Susan
Fee
330-908-3840
e-mail protected from spam bots
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Source : http://www.prweb.com/releases/2005/6/prweb245094.htm